The What and The Why: Taking Inventory in Summer 2014: Part 2

As if I needed to say more, right? Well, yeah. Kinda.

It's a funny thing the way my mind works (and my grammar too; one post I'm "Stilted McGee" and the next I just let it run). Anyway, Monday I posted about my fierce intentionality to live well based on knowing that life has eternal meaning and significance, regardless of what I do with it. That assurance, of course, comes from Christ and my deeply held belief that we are all part of his ongoing, eternal narrative of redemption.

I still hold to that truth as I type this, but I think I did myself a disservice in my last post. Here's the deal: On Monday,  I said I was not very good at executing my plans or staying on task and reaching my goals.

Truth is, I feel that way sometimes. And sometimes it is, in fact, true.

But not always.

Why I Write About More Than Recovery

If you've been following the blog for any amount of time, you know that I write a fair amount of content about recovery from addiction (see here, here, and a wealth of links, here). That's become my "thing". As well it should. All my studies of "branding" and "focus" tell me that recovery from addiction should be that aspect of existence about which I write so that folks who come to my "social platform" know what they are getting.

But I've had a hard go of focusing. I write reviews, updates on my books, random life musings, and thoughts on Scripture. I even write about toys from time to time. Conventional wisdom rallies against this sort of thing, and the data does not lie. My "social reach" has extended very little since 2012. I try to cover too much. People come here because they want to read about...yeah, that's the problem. They don't know; maybe I don't either.

But here's the deal. This blog is called "Living Life Loving Christ", and that is no singular endeavor. Life is multi-faceted; life is not about a brand (no matter what culture continues to tell us). A human life has its moments of reflection, of confession, of silliness, and of self-indulgence. And dear readers, I mean to live life. 

But the truth is that my doing so does have a singular focus, a narrowness. It's loving Christ. Oh how I want my life to exhibit a love for Christ! I want people to see my name and think, "that dude loves Jesus" (and I want that to be true). Granted, the blog does not always accomplish this; neither does life itself. And inasmuch as I'm guarded and mindful about what I post, I try to provide some vulnerable insights. I try to provide a holistic picture of a person living life and loving Christ while doing so. Maybe I do; probably I don't. Either way, that's the goal. 

So that's why I lack focus. That's the reason my brand consistently fails the litmus tests. For me life is more than recovery. Life is art. Life is disappointment. Life is joy. Life is love, and for me that love is Christ. 

How bout you? 

A Personal Milestone...

Friends,

I have to share the following with you. I cannot tell you how meaningful the below link is to me. The library at my alma mater, Biola University, now has Stronghold listed in their catalog. It may have taken a year for all of the sorting to be completed, but it's there for students and faculty to read.

I am overwhelmed by this.

Stronghold is a manifestation of my sanctification, a true reflection of my journey from a man lost in addiction to a man pursuing integrity. I believe the work is proof of Christ at work in my life. Without the Holy Spirit ever-drawing me nearer to God's Throne, without Christ's salvation, and without the Father's steadfast love and patience, I never would have written this novel nor pursued it's publication. Now, it's available at a place I deeply love, at a library that served me immensely during my time at the college (far more as a staff member than a student, but that's my own fault).

I couldn't help it, I even took a screen shot of this link.

Really full of thanks to the Lord right now. And to all of you for your continued support,

C

Being Convicted...by the Lego Movie

Given that The LEGO Movie  was released on DVD yesterday, I thought it was about time I shared the following.

I had a spiritual experience with The Lego Movie. This is not the first film to which I have had said reaction; I just didn’t expect it. But when I left the theater Friday, February 7, the main thing on my mind was not new Lego sets or my next viewing. I was thinking about Theology.

And I was convicted.

[Warning, I need to spoil the third act of the movie to elaborate.]

Gratitude Amidst Great Heartache

Several weeks ago, an actor I had met once while in California shot and murdered his wife, a woman whose family my wife and I know. 

I learned of the events via text from a trusted friend who knew that I had been a fan of the actor. Details began to leak from various news sources, some reputable, others not. I learned that the victim was currently an employee at my alma mader (the aforementioned Biola), and that the school had made a public statement. The campus grieved and I, with them, though 3,000 miles away.

Turning Thirty-Two

Thirty-two is no "big birthday", but I'll remember mine for a long time.

I haven't settled on a logline yet. Twenty-three was, "that birthday when I was alone and snuck Taco Bell into the theatre for my fifth viewing of Revenge of Sith". Twenty-six was "that birthday when my wife took me on a toy-tour at Target and bought me my XLT camera" (this was while I was moonlighting as a toy journalist, so both aspects were significant; plus she got me Sweeney Todd on DVD and the soundtrack). Thirty, of course, was the "the most super party ever".

For thirty-two, I'm thinking, "that birthday when my self-involvement reached its worst depths to date" or something a bit more catchy. See, this birthday I've been incredibly self-focused, and I use that term specifically. I am not referring to being "selfish", just overly reflective on my "self"--and for those who know me, you know that any adding to my self-reflection is heaping fuel on an already burning fire.

Revisiting a Facebook list from 2009

So, you know that "self-indulgence" I mention in the header...Well, here's some.
As I said in 2009, "Hope y'all dig this. I promise that none are lies...not even 14."

As today is my birthday, I thought it timely and appropriate to revisit a little list I posted on Facebook January 29, 2009 at 6:03 PM, entitled, "25 Thangs About Me". And in bold, I have offered my personal reaction...over five and 1/2 years later.  The truly funny "thang" is how I haven't really changed, inasmuch as I actually have. 

Still Recommending SPEED RACER (2008)

Humans beings have been given a wonderful gift. I believe that this gift comes from a Creator, the Lord Jesus Christ; others disagree--that's their choice. But I think that regardless of our opinions of the source, we can all agree that the gift has been given to us. The gift is this: we humans get to do something that no other species gets to experience. We connect to art.

We experience catharsis, emotionally connecting with another person's creative work. They produce, but we feel. We react. We experience. It's a breathtaking privilege we have to do this.

Like most of our blessings, we take it for granted. We digest media like snacks; we think little of any particular bite and forget the event before we're done digesting what we ate. People spend two years of their lives creating a novel, five years of their lives creating a film, or ten years creating an album--they strive to put their vision to canvas or medium, and we give it a viewing and move forward. 

The 2014 Summer Movie Season Has Come…aaaaand I am Probably Staying Home

Here’s the thing. Every summer since 2008 I have been disappointed at the movies.

While I left both Furious 6 and Man of Steel very pleased in June of 2013, the reprehensibly indecent and disappointing Iron Man 3 left a sour taste in my mouth for the whole season (and The Wolverine didn't help). In the prior summer, The Avengers gave me the most fun experience I've had at the movies since 2008’s Speed Racer, and the moving The Dark Knight Rises closed the curtain on my attending the movies as a resident in southern California (which is a different experience than attending anywhere else). Yet in 2012, I also had the displeasure of sitting through The Amazing Spider-man. Ugh. Plus, nearly every movie from those summers that I caught on DVD was equally disappointing, with the exception of the entertaining Pacific Rim.

Are You Praising Him?

I'm that type of Christian that asks questions that are useful but arguably ill-timed (and off putting). I'm learning that I get this from my mother.

My mother is a dear woman. I see a great deal of her in myself, and I am grateful for it. A certain forwardness about faith is one things we share. My mom is ever-willing to put God into the conversation, whether speaking about church or finances or whatever else. She sees God in things and wants to give him attention.  She share these views with others unabashedly, hoping they might seem him as well. I love this about her, and I tend to be the same way.

But most people (myself included) don't always want God acknowledged, not only in general conversation but especially when we are in a foul mood or ill temper. We don't want to be reminded of God when we are wallowing in our failure, not getting the results we want, or receiving our just desserts for our waywardness.

Using Old Notes to infuse New Ideas

If you've been at your writing craft for any amount of time, you have likely produced an inordinate amount of notes--notes on this idea or that location, on some intriguing character or a great maguffin or plot. You've probably had more false starts than a pee-wee-football offensive line and a hundred great moves in your playbook that have never been seen by another set of human eyes.

Do you know what that means?

From Ruin to Recovery, and the Ministry Beyond...

I was struck with a very encouraging realization recently.

My prayers have been answered. Literally.

For those of you who have followed this blog for any amount of time, you know that I followed the Lord's leading in December 2010 to do two things: First, return to my home state of Delaware; second, write a novel. The process of doing these two things I have not shared in full on the blog as of yet, and I am unsure I ever will. To make a long story short, I did the first in August of 2012 and completed the second in May 2013. Since that time I have felt like my life was in a holding pattern while waiting to make my next move.

5 Great Christmas Gifts for Artists

Artists need our help; they need the help of fans, and they need the help of other artists. If a handful of small artists have given you a gift through their work, why not give them a little something in return this holiday. Here's 5 ways to give your favorite artists a treat this December (and 3 of the ways are free, so no excuses!)

The Malcontented Child of God

This being the week of Thanksgiving, I thought I could put up this post on which I've been working for the last few weeks but never got a chance to finish. It's something of an echo of this post from last week, but given where I've been of late, it's pertinent. 

I can be a very bad Christian. I'm not going to sugar coat it. I'm not going to pretend it's not serious. Fact is, I yell against God some days. I could go into a laundry list of reasons why, but I won't bother, as they will likely do little but further cement how shallow and childish I can be and often am before my Savior and Lord. At the end of the day, my reason is very simple. I have a sin problem.

To my Christian Brothers and Sisters who are hurting...

I'm going off schedule today to write to all of you out there who, like me, have been hit hard in this season of life. 

I don't know what's grieving you; I don't know why it's striking so deeply. Pain is pain, and some of you reading this are taking a beating these days. Whether it's at home, or work, or somewhere close or far, your soul is being taxed--maybe daily, maybe hourly, maybe you're fighting to survive the next minute. And you can't wholly express how it feels, and you might not even understand why it's so rough. It just hurts. Alot. And often. Believe me, I've been there--some days I'm still there.

Embarrassed to Do Good?

Two weeks ago, our church challenged each member of the congregation to commit to a simple, random act of kindness. This could be anything done intentionally for someone else without thought of reward or return. All we needed to do was see a need, no matter how small, and meet it.

And I couldn't; or rather, I didn't.

Looking Toward Full-Time Employment

After 10 months of unemployment, I will be stepping back into a full-time job on Monday, July 22 (Lord willing). This has been equal parts exciting and frightening. I have had moments of questioning: What if I'm not capable of the job? What if they don't like me? What about this neurosis, that area of improvement, or other possible challenges? Yes, my friends, I think these things, the common questions asked by those with enough awareness to know their limitations.

Of course, to end my musings with those questions would be unhealthy, both for my employer and for me. My heart should not be one of trepidation. I know that the Lord has given me abilities: finesse, diligence, and critical thinking. I also know that God opened this door. The details of my getting this job are interesting, and while I will not write of them in full here, I will admit that I see "divine fingerprints" in the supposed happenstances that surround my receiving this gig.

Frankly, I feel that I am moving into this next phase for a reason, though I do not yet see it fully. And while any doubts of performance may linger beneath the surface, I am approaching this new endeavor with excitement over the opportunity and an enthusiasm to do well, to honor those who have chosen me, to make them feel validated in their decision to do so. Some days will be hard, to be sure, but nothing of value is simple.

But when I come back to the issue of my writing--to the fact that I lived the life of a full-time writer for 10 months and in that time accomplished things by God's grace and to his glory--I take a certain level of healthy satisfaction in what I experienced, even as that phase is ending. Now, I look toward the weeks and months to come, and I am uncertain how my writing career will be affected. I do not know if this will mean that the blogging must be significantly reduced or the future book projects must be put on hiatus or, at the very least, a delayed timeline. I simply do not know. And I do not think I will for some time. This, too, leads to reflective questions.

Please continue to journey with me as I explore my opportunities and attempt to find balance. Please continue to pray for my wife and me, as my being employed will create some new dynamics we will need to navigate. Please continue to look to Christ, for my hope in all of these endeavors--long term, short term, full time, or for a moment--is for His glory, for His appearing more beautiful and worthy of worship.

Thanks for reading,
C

Brief Thoughts on the Spirit's Movement.

I believe in the Holy Spirit. 

I believe the Holy Spirit moves--near, far, and in the spaces in between. 

Like air, he permeates. Though we harden our hearts and attempt to withhold him, he finds his way into the hidden places, the shadows, and he reveals them with his light and heals them in his time. 

The Holy Spirit is a constant, universal companion in the lives of each and every Christian since Pentecost. Therefore, he is a force of unity amongst believers, and this fills me with great hope. For he can move concurrently in ways we do not see, cannot comprehend, and would never fathom. 

I think about this often and feel led to worship. The facts of so-called happenstance are no small thing. Books can (and have) been written of the Spirit's incredible work across continents and through time, within cultures and around them. A missionary family gets their financial needs met by a random donor giving his income to a general fund, because his pastor in a church three-thousand miles away had the boldness to preach against greed due to his own convictions about his lack of personal generosity, brought about by a blog post wherein the writer was discussing the text of a long-dead author of a far past generation. These are not small things to be considered coincidental and, as such, overlooked. These are the miraculous story beats unfolding every minute of every day, in order to bring God glory in the overarching content of world history--and that is an encouraging (and deeply sobering) thought. 

I have sometimes considered that said stories will be the literature of heaven, that we will kneel at the throne of the Lord as he reveals to us the grand narrative of how he was working over, within, and beyond our little space-time construct in order to maximize glory for himself through the immense miracle of small kindnesses and quiet acts of selflessness. 

As we move into the weekend, I encourage you all to take a few of your free moments, maybe even those last ten minutes before being ushered into the dreamlands of sleep, and consider the ways in which the Spirit has revealed himself to you through his work in the lives of others. You may delay your appointment with the sandman and find yourself laying awake and in awe, shocked by how good God has been, even if you never took notice. I know such an activity fills me with wonder. 

May it never cease. 

Thank you for reading, 

C

Continuing to Remember Nate Henn

Today marks the three-year anniversary of the death of Nate "Oteka" Henn, who was killed by a terrorist bombing in Uganda during a visit with friends he had met through his work with Invisible Children. IC may sound familiar, as they were the group that promoted the famous Kony 2012 campaign, which was accompanied by a video that has gained more than 95 million views on Youtube.

I went through church youth group with Nate Henn, and I knew him casually. We attended numerous events together, shared some similar interests, and he even appeared in a film I did during my college years. We lost touch over time, as folks do, but in the midst of his volunteering for Invisible Children, Nate and I e-mailed about his work and the ways in which his faith had grown through it.

I forget what event began our correspondence, but I remember why it continued. Inasmuch as we had been casual friends, we always considered one another to be Christian brothers, and that connection infused our mailings. Nate's sincerity was evident in every sentence; his enthusiasm for not only his present mission but his life of service were inspiring. He had become a true disciple of Christ and could not help but speak of his Savior's power and beauty in the face of tragedy. I am blessed that these are the last memories I have of him.

Nate served Invisible Children well, more so than he knew, for he not only brought awareness but integrity and validation to their organization. While I never had the privilege of hearing him speak publicly, Nate's unwavering convictions in our personal interactions attested to his assurance that their mission was of great import, and they were always benefitting those in need, regardless of the turmoil and seemingly endless parade of obstacles the organization faced. While their's was a long-term campaign, they seized the opportunity to bless those they encountered each day, giving them a taste of peace and restoration on the trek toward victory.

In remembrance, I am posting this video put together by Invisible Children several years ago. I cannot watch it without getting goosebumps and thanking the Lord for Nate's life, even as I am forced to again acknowledge his passing--a loss not only to those of us who knew him but to the world. Nate desired to make the earth a better place; in his absence, perhaps a few us can try to do so as well.

A Small Reaction to Large Changes

Cynicism is easy.
Sarcasm is a reflex.
Mockery is simple.

In light of all that has happened this week in the United States Supreme Court, all of the above attitudes have been at the forefront of public conversation. I've expressed them more than I would have liked and harbored them in secret to an exponentially greater degree.

But I don't want to be that person. Someone else can be that person. I want to walk a different path, a narrower path. I don't want to do what is easy; I want to retrain my reflexes, and I would rather be on the side of receiving mockery than giving it.

I want to invest in others not reduce their sense of worth. This does not mean agreement, nor does it mean validation, but it does mean holding captive not only my words but also my thoughts. At times, thoughts are as violent as language (if not more so), and maintaining silence is better than speaking a passive aggressive insult.

That's it. No specific stories to tell. No wallowing in guilt. It's just become clear to me throughout this week. I look at the world; sometimes I get angry, and I sin in my anger--if only in my mind, I fall short of a loving response. I play it is easy. But Christ desires better; Christ deserves better. By the power of His Spirit, I will be better, maybe slowly but ever-surely. How bout you?

Thank you for reading; have a great weekend!
C