Back in March, I shared some neurotic thoughts on my disenchanted writer's life. Tonight, I'm going to share some more.
Not much has changed since that tim, other than further exhaustion. If you're reading this, chances are that you've heard of my recent life updates through some other connective social network like Twitter or Bookface. My wife and I are trying to get several matters in order: finances, insurances, wills, and so forth. On top of this, we are in the midst of a long-desired but whirlwind move into our own residence, after 20 months living with my parents in the house in which I was raised. Oh, and we have our jobs. I don't know how we'd be doing it with kids also. To all parents, I salute you.
And once again, Ive been forced to re-assess my writing pursuits.
I have had to put To Retreat From Romance on hiatus--a particular discouragement given the momentum I had been building. My article output has slowed, even while I am looking for additional sites to which I hope to contribute. By summer's end, I may be making weekly submissions across the web. Then there's the other projects: the children's books, the fantasy novels, and the two characters with whom I've fallen in love but whose stories I have yet to clearly define. I feel like I have more stories in me now than I've ever had previously; all the while my time to write and my energy to do so are at their lowest.
Then there's the other pursuits. Hobbies notwithstanding, the joys or life require time. Excerise. Fellowship. Community. Prayer. Scripture Study. Reading. Watching Films. Sleep. Savoring Food rather than rushing through it. These things take intentional moments of pause and focus. Existing in perpetual quality time. Any and all of these pursuits costs minutes of doing something else.
Yes, balancing life is a troubling thing, but the blessings of doing so is worthwhile. How much more is life enjoyed when it is experienced with intentionality, with integrity, with a longing to use the time that God has provided to bring him honor and glory. It's exhausting, yes; but some exhaustion is the result of fullness, of having worked hard and played just the same. In some ways I'm deeply glad to be burdened with musings of integration, wholeness, and Spiritual fulfillment. I believe it is good to be a man who thinks on these things and constantly adjusts his patterns and habits to acquire them. I want Wisdom. I want Community. I want to know the Lord more deeply and be his hands and feet on earth. I want these things, and I am glad to want them. I want to want them more. I've felt for the last several years that writing was a means to all of them, and an end in itself toward fullness and doing what the Lord has asked of me.
Perhaps that's why doing it has become so hard.
Well, that is enough of my mundane self-reflection for one evening, especially a Saturday night. If you are reading this, you've done me a service. I ask for another. Please pray for me--pray for my endurance, pray for direction, and thank the Lord Jesus Christ for what he's done in my life.
Without him, I would be lost in a sea of self-indulgence and delusion; with him, I am more than a conqueror, wholly loved with holy love. That's a good place to be.
Thanks for reading,